don't let life pass you by

Wow. Life has been a whirlwind the last two weeks.

I just finished my last Ochem exam before the final in a week and a half... That is a relief to have done. I still have a big paper to write for my Honors Directions and Dimensions in Healthcare class... I'll be writing about women's reproductive rights and politics... and why there is such a disparity between the rights of women and the rights of men when it comes to reproductive rights, according to the state. I also have ONE MORE paper for Spanish, which shouldn't be too intense, since I've been putting in a lot of work in all my papers all throughout the semester. And, haha, Developmental Psych, but I'm not too worried at all about that. So, basically the one thing that I'll be sweating next week will be the final ACS OChem test.

So... why haven't I posted in a while? I took a day off of school and went down to Mankato Tuesday afternoon for my Grandma Hensel's funeral. What an amazing woman... she spent her entire life caring for others, loving, and being so utterly accepting of absolutely everyone. We were talking about this at her funeral: Who can truly say that they have never said a bad thing about ANYONE their entire life? I remember so clearly waking up on those Thanksgiving and Christmas vacations in her enormous farm house, going with Laura to the kitchen to peek at all the breakfast foods in the porch (mmm... her caramel rolls were to die for!), and there was Grandma, working away at making a pot-full of oatmeal for all the family.

She would just be humming away as we walked into the kitchen, smiling broadly when she turned around to see us rummaging through the pans and tins of goodies on the porch. She would ask us what we wanted for breakfast, and then after getting that ready, she would run out to the chicken coop and the garden to take care of chores. Her kitchen always smelled of warm, rich aromas mixed with the freshness of cool, washed vegetables and the smell of dew on the grass through the window over the sink. The rest of the house always smelled musty, but we all knew why that was; Catherine worked so hard in the kitchen that there was rarely a moment that she sat and rested at my grandfather's side. She lived for her family, and she lived for her husband. Most of all, though, she lived for the Lord and believed in him so much that she failed to believe that there could be a truly bad soul in the world.

My grandma Catherine Hensel 1910-2006
Caring, joyful, devoted, compassionate, beautiful, visionary, loving, humming, giving, grandma, mother, wife, sister, and great-grandma. She gave us life; she gave us the world.

sophomoritis?

Bleh, it's hard to motivate myself to do work right now.

I feel like such a rebel... I'm choosing not to do my DPsych workbook pages, because they are a huge pain in the ass, and even if I don't do the rest of the workbook assignments for the rest of the semester, it's only going to bring me down to a 95%. Honestly. NOT worth the effort.

Oooh, that about perfectly described my pissed-off attitude, as well. I need to figure out whatever is really bothering me, because I have been in a bad mood for too long and it's getting tiring.

I've posted about this once before. But it still seems to bother me: the closer one is to someone, the easier it is to be affected by the little things that person does. If they are in a crappy mood, then I'm going to be affected by it. If they don't make time for me, then I take it as they don't want to be around me. I'm hurt by the fact that they have homework, friends, and obligations just like me, but I don't see how the double standard I'm employing is unfair.

I hate being dependent on other people, especially when it comes to my own emotions.

But why is it that I get that way? Why do I take my own failures so seriously and use them against other people? It shouldn't be my friends' faults that I fill my life with so much extra stuff. It shouldn't be their fault for my inability to separate my evaluation of myself as a person from the successes or failures of my organizations, events, etc.

I just need to let it go.

And cry.

sugar beet goodness

Back to Stinky Town. Mmm mmm mmm...

Oh, it was a short break. I underestimated how serious my grandma's stroke was on Wednesday... we spent all of Saturday and Sunday morning with her in Mankato, saying goodbye... and crying... and seeing family... but more of that to come when she actually passes away, probably. It's funny. I come up here, and it's like I can separate myself from the sorrow, even though it means just as much here... I wish I could be back home right now. It's hard to concentrate on homework when you know that your grandma is slowly slipping away. But it's even worse, because I can't even feel sadness here. I feel like a stupid, emotionless boulder.

This is a dumb post.

Well, Karate Chili Feed far surpassed my expectations. I think we actually made money! And I thought we would end up in the hole... eh, it was a definite possibility... We at least made about 2 tanks-full of gas. :) Now, whose gas tank, that is the question :) Actually, probably 3 tanks for my car, but that's because it only holds about 11 gallons of gas ;)

Okay, time for hw.

Come to the J/F Talent Show this Thursday at 8:30 P.M.!!!

gimme a B...R...E...A...K!!

So, what's the big idea about treating Jessica as if she's just a block of emotionless cement?(Apologies to any cement blocks out there who do have feelings...) Honestly, I've tried as hard as I could the last few days to be resistant to the rude treatment I've been getting. But, alas, I am just a sister, not an emotional, feeling being.

It really doesn't help in making anything else better, either.

Next time you act, think about what others are going through. You're not the only one out there, and the things you do can severely hurt a person, even if it doesn't show on her face.

I'm ready for break, that's for sure.

My soul feels empty. I hate this feeling.

anti-perfect

Not exactly perfect, no, I guess that was a wrong statement.

Such is life, though.

I could tell from the minute I woke up
It was going to be a lonely lonely
Lonely lonely day.
Rise and shine rub the sleep out of my eyes
And try to tell myself I can’t
Go back to bed
It’s gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Even though the sun is shining down on me and I should feel about as happy as can be
I just got here and I already want to leave
It’s gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
Everybody knows that something’s wrong
But nobody knows what’s going on
We all sing the same old song
When you want it all to go away
It’s shaping up to be a lonely day

Lonely Day - Phantom Planet

four-square days

Okay, so everything is infinitely better now!

I got back my grade for that OChem test I took last Tuesday, and I got a 93%!! You probably don't know how exciting that is for me, but just to give you an idea: the two previous tests I took in the class were 77% and 82%. This will help me out a lot in my quest for a B :) As long as I can keep from failing all of the in-class pop quizzes. That's necessary too.

Last night was more fun than I've had in a long time. Madelyn and I just walked around campus for awhile while Jordan skated circles around us on rollerblades. Then we had a heated game of four-square with some of the Fulton guys until, well, about 1 A.M. or so... :) And THEN... April finally got back from boozing up at the local bars with Dave and Kjerstin (tee hee it's okay, you're legal, April) so we watched Donnie Darko over at Dave's until, like, 4. And I think I remember an hour of it, maybe. I'm still tired, and my arm hurts from playing catch with a dodgeball ;) I know, I'm a wimp...

So, that's what life is like, currently. I hope the rest of the semester will be semi-stressfree, because I was definitely missing the freedom for a good 3 weeks or so.

And... Blogger's picture-upload thinger is finally working again, so... enjoy!

<-- I think April was reacting adversely to me caressing her arm... Oh, and this was us before the Honors Formal. Don't they look amazing??!

waiting for the onslaught

A lovely Saturday afternoon it is... if only I could spend it in a worthwhile way, instead of studying my butt off. Seriously, the profs have it in for me this week. Jordan and I give our DPsych presentation on Monday, then on Tuesday I have OChem exam #3 and Spanish paper #2 to turn in, and on Wednesday a DPsych test, and on Thursday, my Spanish group is presenting on Guatemala. Oh, I can't wait for Thursday afternoon for all of this to be done with. Oh yeah, and we somehow have to get a quorum to pass changes in the HPSO constitution on Thursday afternoon. So, it won't really be all over by then. Sigh.

But Friday! I think that I'm going to finally get a haircut then, to celebrate getting all this shiznit done. Yay!! And the week after this week (aka the week leading up to Easter Break) will be completely free, apart from due dates for Talent Show sign-up and a practice for the event, and working at the Math Learning Center. It'll be fantastic, I can just feel it... but until then, back to the books. Time to start writing that paper that's due in three days.

Hasta luego, mis muchachos. Aqui estan unos fotos de las semanas pasadas... :)

<-- Some troublemaking bison that liked to block the road in Yellowstone

<-- I'm trying not to slip as we walk around Mammoth Hot Springs...

<-- All dressed up for the Honors Formal!

I'd put the picture of all the girls dressed for the formal, but for some reason, Blogger is not letting it upload. Another time, perhaps.