prayer

God, give me the strength to run my heart out,

Give me courage to stand up for what I believe in,

Give me foresight to choose my words carefully, so that I don't end up looking like a dumb-ass when I say something I shouldn't have,

Empower me with the will to accomplish my goals,

And teach me to enjoy every moment of this life, even through times where I fail at every one of these things.

to be written

Just as the title says.

the single life

So it's officially over.

My heart feels a lot like my body looks right now, except the scratches, bruises, and burns are the result of acting like a kid with all of these opening weekend events. The heart is a different story.

I'm going to try to be a lot more realistic this year. No more wishing for perfect endings or perfect beginnings. Taking time to realize when I'm asking too much of others. And letting go... allowing my self expectations to come to a more realistic level as well.

I'm tired.



I'm so damn tired.


I would talk about my frustrations with HOT stuff, but I frankly don't care anymore.

I think I've stopped crying, but there's no way of knowing for sure. I mean... seriously. I lost it in the middle of calling a friend for help with tomorrow's Honors stuff.

Moral of the story: I need something, someone, somewhere that will be constant in my life. Somehow though, I know that I better not find it any time soon.

Welcome to the single life. May it be a change from all that has been before.

disconnected phone

Tears in my eyes, but I'm not crying. I'm kind of feeling depressed, but I'm not that sad. Amazing how a conversation can bring things flying in front of your face.

My two best friends at college are both having a wonderful time with the dating world. I'm the one without a clue.

I'm pushy, unyielding, and assumptive. I'm fully half at fault for this falling-out. I know that.

I wish there was more, so much more...

Where did the time go/When everything was simple and free/I wanna know what happened/somebody woke me before I could have my American dream
BTE

whoa nelly

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. What has happened in the meantime...?

Life is feeling, well, different as of late.

And I don't know how to explain it. I like it, though. It feels like I'm in control. But am I? Here I am, sitting with my laptop at 2:17 in the morning, when maybe I should be getting some sleep for once. Thursday night, I get a little over 2 hours of sleep. Yesterday, I stay up until... 3? Or something like that. So I guess I'm still good to go for another hour, for continuity's sake.

Okay, so how has my life changed in the past few weeks? I guess I feel a lot more open to change. To coping with emergency. To meeting random people, having a blast, and then throwing it out of my mind because I'll never see them again. Or at least, for a very long time.

But I don't want to have to do that. I wish I could see my Canadian relatives more than once every 5 years. I wish I could make lasting relationships that hold true through distance and time. But it never really works out.

...

Oh, by the way, my cousin Aaron has a book out right now (he did all the illustrations!!) and it's called "Impatient Pamela Learns About Germs." Exciting!! Buy it, and you can tell everyone you know the illustrator's cousin ;)

Time to go to bed. Hasta la vista (que espero que seria pronto), y mi amor.