questioning where I am

So, as I sit here, two days away from the turn of another year, I wonder what I am doing with my life. Am I making good decisions? Am I hurting the people around me with what I am doing? Heck, why am I feeling bad for what I did?

All of my life, I have based what I believe I should be doing on the actions and direction of others. My parents taught me that it was important to work hard at math and school. Stay away from sex and drugs, and don't become an alcoholic, because that runs in the family already... My friends have always been the really straightlaced ones. Never even contemplating alcohol or "sin" in any way, because, well, we weren't even old enough to get into clubs. But now that we are 18, what should we feel okay doing? We're old enough to go to a dance club, but by going there, does that go against what God wants me to do? In the same thread of thought, I'll probably take the opportunity when I am 21 to drink. But there's nothing wrong with that, even in the eyes of God (well, except for what Mormons and maybe Amish people believe). If I'm legally able to dance at a night club, is it morally wrong for me to do it?

My friends are all (seemingly) okay with dancing as freely as they want at clubs. But where do my own moralities lie? If my whole existence is based on the actions of other people, then where am I? More on this later, perhaps...

merry christmas!

It certainly is wonderful to be back here :) Being done with Christmas shopping is probably a big part of that satisfaction, or at least aids in the realization of it. Anyways, it's been an awesome week in Rochester. We got our Christmas tree the weekend I came back, and then it proceeded to tip over on Monday night (haha, but it can't be blamed on me, because I was out dancing to the "Cat In The Hat" dance-along with Emily until 3:30 :) tee hee hee). Oh, and I also got hooked on thefacebook.com on Monday. I LOVE that site! Tuesday was pretty exciting; had the opportunity to hang out with PJ, Emily, Jess, Josiah, and Peter Fritz (until he lamed out on us and went home... who needs sleep to go to work the next day, pah). And Wednesday... I think I did some more shopping for Christmas presents that day. I tried looking for a present for Dan for about 3 hours in the mall. Highly unsuccessful. Stupid stores. Thursday... Oh yes. Dan came down for the day, although I think we kind of bored him to death with making him walk around Century with us. Haha, oh well. I think it's fun for him to be around people who are near to his height (tee hee, sorry, I'm a horrible person). And a few people came over to watch NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!! Super movie, it's definitely an instant classic :) Kudos to the Mormon people who made it. Dan left after that for the cities, but then we decided it would be fun to watch the super crappy movie "Open Water." (We hate you, Josiah :). Obviously we couldn't leave an evening tarnished by such a film, so we dutifully watched "The Count of Monte Cristo," which we definitely just should have watched instead. Excellent movie, indeed. So now, it is Christmas eve... soon I will be heading off to church, and then going out to eat with my family (I know, weird tradition), and then going to sleep... And waking up to presents! That reminds me, I definitely have to finish (ahem, start) wrapping presents. Merry Christmas, all!

being home

I'm home!! Why is it that everyone wants me to do something now that I'm at home? Yes, I know that we had to get a Christmas tree (haha, which we got yesterday; it's surprisingly attractive for being in such a picked-over lot) and I still have to buy/make presents for EVERYONE, but right now, all my brain seems to be allowing me to do is sleep. I woke up at probably 8:15 today, as my dad was telling me that I should go to church. Then I was woken up again by my neighbor, calling that the heat was out and I was supposed to tell my dad something about it... Proceed to maybe 9:30, when my sister came home and offered to pick me up at 11 so I could go to the second service. In between 9:30 and 11, my mom called about dropping off eye drops at work for her, my dad called to let me know that I should bring the gifts for the Women's shelter with me to church, and suzie called about the heat as well. Needless to say, I was less than eager to stumble out the door once 11 finally rolled around (and my sister sat outside in the car, honking for me to get a clue that she was there).

Maybe this should be a signal for me to get to bed earlier? Nah. I just need to sleep more during the day :) Good ol' college schedule.

Decorated the Christmas tree today, and discovered there isn't quite enough room on top for the paper angel I made in kindergarten. Right now, its position makes it appear to be a sort of "overseer" of the house, though, so that's kind of cool. Definitely. Also kind of gives me the feeling that if I were that angel, I would definitely have some major neck problems. Poor paper angel.

Tomorrow shall be a day of excitement, we shall hope? Shopping? And boot hockey? The rinks are frozen solid, so there will surely be some kind of ice rink usage going on.

And for now, sleep? Possibly...

heading home

Yay for being done with finals and getting to go home!! Yesterday was our end-of-the-semester karate party, and we had OFFICER ELECTIONS... Yes, you guessed it, you are now priviledged to be reading the blog of the UND Karate Club's very own treasurer... neat, eh? April's going to be my assistant in keeping track of money, though. (As if I have a habit of losing stuff or something... pah...) So, today is the day that I get to head home. If everything works out, I'll be getting a ride from my papa in the cities tonight... however, if the trip is longer than expected, I may be back tomorrow. But before people head home, we're all going to eat lunch at Hunan's for an end-of-semester celebration :) Fun! Well, now I really have to get to work on packing my bags. See you soon, family and Rochester friends! Auf wiedersehen, Grand Forks!

contemplations on a semester past

As I sit here getting ready to study for my finals and write my spanish paper, I realize that almost an entire four months have passed with me up here in GF. Definitely some things have changed about my life. Some things I miss, like hanging out with my Destinos buddies... running with the cross country girls at Century... making dinner with my family and sitting around with them in the evenings... friends back home...

But there are also things up here that I would not give up for the world. Most everyone tells me I'm crazy to be up here. Heck, even people here tell me I'm crazy when I walk outside with a sweater and sandals when it is 30 degrees... But honestly, there is only one thing that I would change about this place... well, okay, two things: stinky Simplot potato factory, and a grocery store within a mile of campus.

Even today, I'm not exactly sure what made up my mind all those months ago to come here. I knew no one, except for a select three from Rochester, that would be up here. That's less than WHEATON, which has about 1/10 of the student population here and about 3 times the tuition. With those kind of statistics, it would appear that UND is actually just a really crappy school and no one wants to come here. Well, there are those who wouldn't want to come here, but they are sissies and can't stand a few 60 below days here and there.

Thank you, God, for leading me in this path. Thank you for giving me an awesome roommate and helping me make super cool friends up here. And thank you for finding my student ID all the times I've lost it this semester... and this past week...

Hope everyone's looking forward to Christmas Break!! I have a new cell phone number (well, relatively... apparently some still don't know it yet, tee hee): 701-739-9781... yes, that's a Grand Forks area code :)

Good luck with finals!

for the love of college

FREEDOM!!

Forgetting the Spanish paper due on Wednesday.

But... for the weekend... FREEDOM!!

(Right now, I feel as if I've overdosed on something really strong. I drank a whole 20oz. bottle of diet Mountain Dew, and I think even my pee is now carbonated. I know my brain is... jittery, jittery, jittery... aaahhh!!!! caffeine!!!)

it's time

It definitely is time for me to update on my blog. What a week! Heck, we haven't even gotten to the midway point. Ummm... so yeah... I'm listening to Moby right now. That pretty much sums up how the homework is going. Chemistry lab paper (3-5 pages on nitric acid, for goodness sakes) and English final portfolio (including final draft of our last paper and a 2-3 page analysis) due Friday... CPR and First Aid Test 3 on Thursday... Spanish paper (3-5 pages on "el recado" por Elena Poniatowska) due next Wednesday... and of course, our favorities, FINALS on Monday on Tuesday. Home on next Friday!!!! Ten days!!! I am so excited!!