questioning where I am

So, as I sit here, two days away from the turn of another year, I wonder what I am doing with my life. Am I making good decisions? Am I hurting the people around me with what I am doing? Heck, why am I feeling bad for what I did?

All of my life, I have based what I believe I should be doing on the actions and direction of others. My parents taught me that it was important to work hard at math and school. Stay away from sex and drugs, and don't become an alcoholic, because that runs in the family already... My friends have always been the really straightlaced ones. Never even contemplating alcohol or "sin" in any way, because, well, we weren't even old enough to get into clubs. But now that we are 18, what should we feel okay doing? We're old enough to go to a dance club, but by going there, does that go against what God wants me to do? In the same thread of thought, I'll probably take the opportunity when I am 21 to drink. But there's nothing wrong with that, even in the eyes of God (well, except for what Mormons and maybe Amish people believe). If I'm legally able to dance at a night club, is it morally wrong for me to do it?

My friends are all (seemingly) okay with dancing as freely as they want at clubs. But where do my own moralities lie? If my whole existence is based on the actions of other people, then where am I? More on this later, perhaps...

merry christmas!

It certainly is wonderful to be back here :) Being done with Christmas shopping is probably a big part of that satisfaction, or at least aids in the realization of it. Anyways, it's been an awesome week in Rochester. We got our Christmas tree the weekend I came back, and then it proceeded to tip over on Monday night (haha, but it can't be blamed on me, because I was out dancing to the "Cat In The Hat" dance-along with Emily until 3:30 :) tee hee hee). Oh, and I also got hooked on thefacebook.com on Monday. I LOVE that site! Tuesday was pretty exciting; had the opportunity to hang out with PJ, Emily, Jess, Josiah, and Peter Fritz (until he lamed out on us and went home... who needs sleep to go to work the next day, pah). And Wednesday... I think I did some more shopping for Christmas presents that day. I tried looking for a present for Dan for about 3 hours in the mall. Highly unsuccessful. Stupid stores. Thursday... Oh yes. Dan came down for the day, although I think we kind of bored him to death with making him walk around Century with us. Haha, oh well. I think it's fun for him to be around people who are near to his height (tee hee, sorry, I'm a horrible person). And a few people came over to watch NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!! Super movie, it's definitely an instant classic :) Kudos to the Mormon people who made it. Dan left after that for the cities, but then we decided it would be fun to watch the super crappy movie "Open Water." (We hate you, Josiah :). Obviously we couldn't leave an evening tarnished by such a film, so we dutifully watched "The Count of Monte Cristo," which we definitely just should have watched instead. Excellent movie, indeed. So now, it is Christmas eve... soon I will be heading off to church, and then going out to eat with my family (I know, weird tradition), and then going to sleep... And waking up to presents! That reminds me, I definitely have to finish (ahem, start) wrapping presents. Merry Christmas, all!

being home

I'm home!! Why is it that everyone wants me to do something now that I'm at home? Yes, I know that we had to get a Christmas tree (haha, which we got yesterday; it's surprisingly attractive for being in such a picked-over lot) and I still have to buy/make presents for EVERYONE, but right now, all my brain seems to be allowing me to do is sleep. I woke up at probably 8:15 today, as my dad was telling me that I should go to church. Then I was woken up again by my neighbor, calling that the heat was out and I was supposed to tell my dad something about it... Proceed to maybe 9:30, when my sister came home and offered to pick me up at 11 so I could go to the second service. In between 9:30 and 11, my mom called about dropping off eye drops at work for her, my dad called to let me know that I should bring the gifts for the Women's shelter with me to church, and suzie called about the heat as well. Needless to say, I was less than eager to stumble out the door once 11 finally rolled around (and my sister sat outside in the car, honking for me to get a clue that she was there).

Maybe this should be a signal for me to get to bed earlier? Nah. I just need to sleep more during the day :) Good ol' college schedule.

Decorated the Christmas tree today, and discovered there isn't quite enough room on top for the paper angel I made in kindergarten. Right now, its position makes it appear to be a sort of "overseer" of the house, though, so that's kind of cool. Definitely. Also kind of gives me the feeling that if I were that angel, I would definitely have some major neck problems. Poor paper angel.

Tomorrow shall be a day of excitement, we shall hope? Shopping? And boot hockey? The rinks are frozen solid, so there will surely be some kind of ice rink usage going on.

And for now, sleep? Possibly...

heading home

Yay for being done with finals and getting to go home!! Yesterday was our end-of-the-semester karate party, and we had OFFICER ELECTIONS... Yes, you guessed it, you are now priviledged to be reading the blog of the UND Karate Club's very own treasurer... neat, eh? April's going to be my assistant in keeping track of money, though. (As if I have a habit of losing stuff or something... pah...) So, today is the day that I get to head home. If everything works out, I'll be getting a ride from my papa in the cities tonight... however, if the trip is longer than expected, I may be back tomorrow. But before people head home, we're all going to eat lunch at Hunan's for an end-of-semester celebration :) Fun! Well, now I really have to get to work on packing my bags. See you soon, family and Rochester friends! Auf wiedersehen, Grand Forks!

contemplations on a semester past

As I sit here getting ready to study for my finals and write my spanish paper, I realize that almost an entire four months have passed with me up here in GF. Definitely some things have changed about my life. Some things I miss, like hanging out with my Destinos buddies... running with the cross country girls at Century... making dinner with my family and sitting around with them in the evenings... friends back home...

But there are also things up here that I would not give up for the world. Most everyone tells me I'm crazy to be up here. Heck, even people here tell me I'm crazy when I walk outside with a sweater and sandals when it is 30 degrees... But honestly, there is only one thing that I would change about this place... well, okay, two things: stinky Simplot potato factory, and a grocery store within a mile of campus.

Even today, I'm not exactly sure what made up my mind all those months ago to come here. I knew no one, except for a select three from Rochester, that would be up here. That's less than WHEATON, which has about 1/10 of the student population here and about 3 times the tuition. With those kind of statistics, it would appear that UND is actually just a really crappy school and no one wants to come here. Well, there are those who wouldn't want to come here, but they are sissies and can't stand a few 60 below days here and there.

Thank you, God, for leading me in this path. Thank you for giving me an awesome roommate and helping me make super cool friends up here. And thank you for finding my student ID all the times I've lost it this semester... and this past week...

Hope everyone's looking forward to Christmas Break!! I have a new cell phone number (well, relatively... apparently some still don't know it yet, tee hee): 701-739-9781... yes, that's a Grand Forks area code :)

Good luck with finals!

for the love of college

FREEDOM!!

Forgetting the Spanish paper due on Wednesday.

But... for the weekend... FREEDOM!!

(Right now, I feel as if I've overdosed on something really strong. I drank a whole 20oz. bottle of diet Mountain Dew, and I think even my pee is now carbonated. I know my brain is... jittery, jittery, jittery... aaahhh!!!! caffeine!!!)

it's time

It definitely is time for me to update on my blog. What a week! Heck, we haven't even gotten to the midway point. Ummm... so yeah... I'm listening to Moby right now. That pretty much sums up how the homework is going. Chemistry lab paper (3-5 pages on nitric acid, for goodness sakes) and English final portfolio (including final draft of our last paper and a 2-3 page analysis) due Friday... CPR and First Aid Test 3 on Thursday... Spanish paper (3-5 pages on "el recado" por Elena Poniatowska) due next Wednesday... and of course, our favorities, FINALS on Monday on Tuesday. Home on next Friday!!!! Ten days!!! I am so excited!!

blog pic

short one

So.... I really need to update my blog. For now, I'm going to bake an apple pie! Yay!


to be continued...

ahh, the wonder of frozen hair

Today is the first time since I arrived in Grand Forks approximately 3 months ago that my hair has fully frozen during my walk between classes. Can you believe that? It's the day before THANKSGIVING, and we don't even have sub-zero temperatures? Maybe I might have to start siding with this whole "global warming' idea... For Grand Forks to not even have a single snowfall by Thanksgiving... Geeze. Time for some snow, God. This is getting weird.

almost free?

I really should be finishing up that extended research paper, but alas, it is indeed time for an update on life in general. Too much to do an accurate job of highlighting everything, but we'll see what 10 minutes allows.

First off... where did I leave you all... oh, yes. I lost my keys. Which I had to spend a whole $60 to replace! Not fun! And of course, just to make sure that my ID card was included in the fun, I lost that, as well. Thankfully I found that one; otherwise I would be down about $67 or so for all the money I have on there. This is what I get for borrowing people's items of clothing... grrr...

What else... oh, last Sunday I went to this tiny little church in Oslo, MN (Lutheran, dontcha know) which was amazingly fun. I had lefse for the first time... and this porridge-y stuff that was awesomely good... And Amanda, Laura, and I read old-timey books about how important it is for the man to be the good, all-powerful leader in the household... tee hee hee...

Countdown to train-station time: exactly 2 days! In two days, I will be loading my stuff onto the train and heading home!! But... in less than 11 hours and 30 minutes, I will need to have at least... 8 pages of nonsense on the war of 1812 for Honors Composition. Blech. Okay, time to get back to work. Wish me luck...

award: worst weekend ever!

Let's see if we can name off all the things that went wrong this weekend... Losing my keys was a pretty good start to it all. Walking all around campus trying to find those keys pretty much sucked as well. I can hardly walk on my right leg right now, because of the enormous bruise on my shin from karate sparring today. Missing calc class and breakfast on Friday due to getting locked out of my room without my textbook and NAID card... that wasn't too great either. Oh, not even mentioning hurting people that I care about. Yeah. Good job, Jessica.

now for a short one

Since eleven paragraphs is a bit much to keep up on a regular basis, I thought I might cut back on the type-age for this one. Plus, I probably only have 3 minutes until my student comes for Red River tutor-age. Fun times.

Haha, that was yesterday. Okay, so now it is Veteran's Day, and I'm still attempting to finish up this pitifully small entry. A lot of things have happened, it seems, in the span of the last week and a half. I'm still trying to sort things out, but I know all of it has been good. Perhaps I'll sort it out in time to actually write about it... not likely at this point, however.

Last night was the Dakota Dance, which wasn't that exciting, company excluded... However, before the dance, Squires Hall held a "Man Auction" for charity :) (Think of how a "woman auction" would go over on campus, haha... what a wonder double standards are)

I lost my keys somewhere over the course of last night, so basically April and I will have to be tied at the hip until I find them. Today is the big Halo 2 tourney, so I might go down for some free popcorn and pizza... And tomorrow there is a poetry reading at the Urban Stampede, which I may go to.

April and I concur that it would be a good idea to get rid of school on Thursdays for every week. It just makes sense; by Thursday, my brain is too tired to do anything of use, so we might as well have a mini break... then a Friday... then the weekend. Otherwise the weekend is just too short to recharge my life.

Time for a shower, more later when my brain is in working order!

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

4 Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; 5 does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; 6 finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for languages, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things. 12 For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known. 13 Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

P.S. Parents are the best superheros in the world :)

will you be surprised?

Hmm... What has happened in the last week that I should update about... Perhaps I should ask, what hasn't happened? Well... let's start at the beginning.

Monday, I believe, is where I left off last. Being a typical Monday, it would be a good guess to say it was drudgerous and depressing, owing to the fact that papers are typically due on Tuesday. So, yes, I did have to write a paper... but I did get to write part of it in the Urban Stampede in EGF (East Grand Forks) with Dan Ellenwood.

Tuesday... I'm not remembering too much from Tuesday, besides being long and boring... and nearly falling asleep in Calculus class again. I've discovered that classes should never be over 50 minutes long. After about 40 minutes, there is really not much to do except wait for the time to pass. And when it's a 75 minute class, you really run out of things to occupy thoughts for those last 35 minutes.

Again, not too much to remember about Wednesday, except for biking to Red River H.S. and doing the tutoring thing... picking up some groceries... oh, and I booked a train home for Thanksgiving! Since there's only one time that passenger trains depart GF, I'll be leaving at the lovely time of 12:54 AM and getting in at 7 in the morning on Thursday. Needless to say, I hope that there is adequate recline-age in the seats.

Thursday was crazy, but pretty normal as far as Thursdays go. Hall government was less than stellar, and Chem lab was muy estupido. I refuse to accept that light waves can be associated with Chemistry. Way too Physics-ish for me. Anyways, I'll have to pretend there is a relationship between the two for at least 7 more hours, as I have a Chem test on that this evening.

Friday was nice, other than not getting to take the Calc test early because of needing to show my room to visiting high school "Honors Students For a Day" and finishing up the newsletter. However, Friday evening made up for this all. It was Carol's birthday, so after some DDR and late night (a.k.a. late dinner at Wilkerson), we went out to Red Lobster and reverted back to our childhoods with attempts at making balloon animals and playing with Sand Art and clay. I guess Carol and the rest of her group must have gone off for other activities, because it was suddenly just Martha, Russ, and me heading off to the movie theatre, where we met up with a totally new group of people. We (previously mentioned people + Dan, Rob, the Jeremys, and Kent) all saw "The Incredibles," which, despite my slight prejudice against animated films, I really thought was AWESOME. In fact, even Kent agreed, and he's one of the least likely people to admit he enjoys anything.

I stayed up much too late on Friday night... or rather, Saturday morning... but surprisingly I felt awesome when I woke up at 10. OH! Now I get to start telling my weekend story! Okay, so we decided Wednesday that it would be an excellent idea to celebrate Carol's birthday by going up to Winnipeg... so after a quick breakfast at Wilkerson, April, Martha, and I raced back to the dorms to pack up and head out with Mike and Kent in Kent's black Ford Explorer (which he says his grandparents bought for him with their money from hitting oil on their property... interesting... anyways, I have to stop making sidenotes). Surprisingly, I made it all the way from Canadian customs to our hotel, desperately needing to pee, without exploding. I was very proud of myself, especially since we spent about 30 minutes just trying to find the hotel in downtown Winnipeg.

After exchanging our money for some crazy Canadian cash, we hung out in the hotel and waited for the rest of our group to arrive, since they (Carol, Rhiannon, Kylie, Eric Larson, Micah, Drew, Chad, and Jeremy Manstrom) ended up leaving a full two hours after us. Right before April and I nearly starved to death, they showed up and we headed out to this cute, little Chinese restaurant. However, as we waited for our food, I believe we did sort of die, combining the facts that our stomachs were slowly digesting themselves, and we were made to listen to Kent talk about himself some more :) what a character... (No, seriously, now listen... leans in closer... seriously... long dramatic pause... begins with 10 minute-long story of something or other of little or no significance...)

Having no true "clubbing" clothes, I had borrowed this crazy black top and skirt from Carol... which at first I put on backwards, thinking that the stringy part was supposed to be in front... that would have made for an interesting look, I guess. It was actually a pretty cute outfit, and the skirt even sort of had shorts built into it, so I didn't have to worry too much about scandalosity. This was the first time I had ever been in a club before, and it really was super fun. The whole atmosphere is different from anything I've ever experienced. There were, of course, some intoxicated people out there, but since we had a pretty even guy-girl ratio, us girls were pretty well-protected from potential dangers. For the most part, I didn't have any problems, except for one guy who started dancing with me and asking my name and where I was from... I just started backing away from him after that, hehe... oh, and there was one guy that was noticeably "high on life" who started eyeing our whole group and motioning for us to dance with him... Kent saved me from that one, which I was sooooo thankful for. I also lost a bet with Kent at the club: he bet me that he could get some girl to buy him a drink before the end of the night, and, well, he must be pretty charming, since he ended up getting that from an engaged woman. I still think he cheated, though, because he sort of knew the group she was with from North Dakota student council, or something. Anyways, I'm a two-ney down because of his charm, I guess. And I probably do owe it to him, since he did save me from that one creepy guy.

We nearly didn't get through customs back into the US on Sunday, due to the fact that I had left my driver's license with April for Saturday evening. But due to our extreme luck (or as Kent tried to persuade us, his immense charm and good looks), we had no trouble at all.

So, now... it is Monday, and I've now used up my entire lunch hour just updating. And I have to bike to Red River in this tropical, 30 degree weather. And hopefully get to Best Buy to redeem my 40-some RewardZone dollars. And revise my totally crappy first draft of my evaluative essay on analyzing The Crucible's historical significance to the Salem witch trials. And summarize "La casa de Bernarda Alba" for tomorrow. (Pardoning my horrible French:) c'est la vie...

octoberween celebrations

You'd be surprised how much fun you can have at a Catholic Halloween dance :p (hehe) Well, okay, it was pretty tame for the most part... BUT... we did get some "Busta Move" and Moby going for a bit, in between the polkas and the country music. Plus, Martha and I (dressed as ninjas, of course) had to frequently thwart the attacks of a couple of mangy pirates (April and Amanda)... pirates and ninjas never get along, so the proposed truces never lasted... so that helped to keep things hopping. A bunch of Martha's friends ended up coming, so I got some dancing lessons from Kent, which was pretty neat.

Last night I also decided on my Japanese ninja name... 狂木鼠. I bet you wish you knew what that meant. (mwa ha ha)

So, now I have to worry about my evaluative essay that is due this Tuesday. Got any ideas for a period in history I could analyze? (hint: Peter Fritz, help!)

More later, after I rest my sore toes (Martha kicked my foot yesterday, and it feels like my big toe is either bruised or slightly fractured...)

dancin' in the streets

This whole day has been an excellent start to the weekend :) At 10 this morning, I tested into my yellow belt for karate (yay!). Then we went to Wilke for some good ol' breakfast, and they had pull-a-parts!! I love those things!! They weren't quite as good as the HyVee ones back home, but they were excellent all the same. And then... I got to spend the rest of the day getting ready for the Honors Formal!! Jeremy, April, Saman, and I went to Whitey's for dinner, which, despite the extensively disagreeable name, actually had some wonderful food. The dance was also pretty awesome, although they could have worked on the music selection a bit more than they did. C'mon, let's break out of the mold of playing the Chicken Dance as the last song of the night... aaargh. And I think we probably need to destroy all remaining copies of the Grease mega-mix... definitely would be beneficial to all living beings. AND... Tomorrow morning I get to help make pancakes for a pancake breakfast fundraiser :) It shall be interesting flipping stuff with about 4 hours of sleep in me. Good night, and farewell!

!
Posted by Hello

in the aftermath of an english paper

Six hours is an incredibly long time to be continuously doing anything, much less writing a hellish philosophy paper for Comp/Humanities. Why can't med schools just accept that maybe I'm not an awesome writer? Plus, it's PHILOSOPHY. What am I supposed to say about other people's philosophy? "Yeah, this person thought lots of things back then... some people agreed with him... other people didn't, and then they shot him... yeah..." Don't tell my Comp teacher this, but I am going to be completely ecstatic once I'm done with this semester :) :) :) The only extra composition class I'll eventually need to take will hopefully be satisfied by Sophomore Honors Portfolio next year... or maybe all I'll need is Spanish Comp next semester (hehe).

But now I'm totally done, which makes me entirely happy about life in general. And, as Dave informs me, now I can totally learn how to play my guitar for two hours a day for the next two weeks (as in, until my next paper is due... now I'm hearing voices of evil english teachers cackling together in their break rooms: "mwa ha ha ha" ...)

Tomorrow I will discover what I've gotten myself into with this new CPR class... and the fact that Thursdays are already crazy-isimo. And the fact I haven't gotten the floor newsletter for this week out!! How bad of a person am I?! Aahh!!

So, countdown to my karate belt test... 3 days... actually, 2 days 10 hours... and at this time in three days, I'll probably be out at the Honors Formal... extremely bored... (haha, just kidding... perhaps we shall take our marauding supplies along, just in case, though). More excitement to come?

prelude to parents weekend!

Tomorrow my parents will be coming up to GF to hang out with me :) Neat! I'm pretty excited, since I only got to see them for a few fleeting hours last weekend. Although... that does mean I need to clean up tomorrow. I hope I'll get to move around my furniture, too. It's not working out so well with my bed in the middle of our room, what with the phone being on my side, and April needing to jump over my bed to answer it... she could probably be re-gimp-ified from such activity... poor April...

I think I may need some congratulating for getting through today. Thursdays are always so tiring. Hey, but I probably shouldn't even talk, because in five days... no, four days, I'll be starting CPR and First Aid, which is Tuesday and Thursday mornings, from 8 to 9:50AM... yuck!

I'm predicting that this weekend will be mucho fun-o... There is a carnival tomorrow... a football game on Saturday... I'll probably go out to dinner with my mom and dad that night... we'll buy a printer and (cross your fingers!) a cell phone, so I can finally call people without being in my dorm room... and maybe my parents will get to see me do some sparring on Sunday.

Next weekend is the Honors Formal, Pre-med Day, and my karate belt test... decisions, decisions...

update

It is past midnight right now, yet there is no real motivation to be starting that spanish story analysis just yet... or reading "Lies My Teacher Told Me"... crappy, stupid book...

So, the weekend was excellently wonderful. I got the opportunity to hang out with the family (mostly my dad, since my mom was working all weekend, and Steph was never there... like usual...). We made some awesome dinner on Saturday, which was definitely cool, because I never get to cook at the dorms here (unless you think cooking involves putting water on ramen noodles and microwaving for three minutes). Plus, I got to hang out with Lucas, Josiah, and got to see Seth Jacobsen at that one space cadet movie. (neat!)

Monday was poop, due to the fact I put off writing my philosophy paper to the very last moment (yes, it was definitely a 3AM night)... and consequently Tuesday wasn't much better. Today I got asked by Saman to the Honors formal, which is pretty cool. Hanging out with the J3 gang will be the best, though... we could all wear ninja outfits under our dresses, so we can masquerade in the middle of it! :) hehe

Anyways ... I should get to my homework.