like a child

So Thanksgiving has come and gone. My head hurts from studying OChem three days straight, and then getting stuck in near-death driving conditions on the 8 (normally 6) hour ride back... Why did I come back? Oh yeah, class... bleh. I could barely stay awake in my classes... I tell you, I could have sworn that we were going to have our first snow day in about 7 years today, but the snow wasn't falling hard enough, I guess. Wind speed was about 40 mph, but I guess that doesn't matter D:

It was definitely good to be back, enjoying the Honey Bunches of Oats for breakfast, shoveling with my papa, watching my parents and aunt and uncle get tipsy on wine at Thanksgiving ;), hanging out with Emily, spending way too much on shopping, having Grandma Kaye ask me every five minutes what I would want for Christmas, seeing people at church... The sermon was really great. It was one of those moments that you don't really look for God to speak to you, but somehow He really gets through... It was a comparison between how our parents wait for us to come back from college... they'll go on with their everyday stuff, but every once in awhile, they'll ask each other, "Hey, I wonder what Jessica's doing right now..." (pause) And, honestly, I almost started crying right there. It's sometimes just really hard to believe that God can care about every person in the world as much as two amazing parents care about their two daughters... I've been realizing it more as life goes on that my parents are the best I could have ever wished for. We really don't realize how freaking hard it must be to simply be "a parent." I'm concerned even now, thinking about how I could ever raise a child, especially in such a place that this world is becoming...

With crap television like Laguna Beach and My Super Sweet Sixteen, tween t-shirts emblazoned with "Princess," "Bow Down To Me," "Diva," or other ridiculously vain and unwarranted saying, it's no wonder that kids are starting to expect such things as a NEW car on their sixteenth, an iPod for A's in sixth grade math, expensive sneakers so they can impress their friends.... and they think that they "deserve" it. Who deserves jack crap in this world? Can they NOT see that about 80% of the world cannot even afford the meal that they get handed to them every day? Can they not understand that getting ANY sort of car at all is a big deal?? I got a '94 Cavalier for my high school days, and I went without a car my first year of college. And you know what, I feel totally privileged, and I probably don't deserve the Corolla I have right now. So why should kids who haven't even passed their driver's permit tests be given brand new Mercedes?? It would be interesting to figure out how many years someone in Honduras would have to work to get the same quality of life that we would spend on one year of living... Sometimes this world makes me sick. And then you see people trampling others on the dawn of the day after Thanksgiving; under the disguise of getting "gifts" for family and friends, they cut off cars on their way into the super malls, grab as many of whatever cheap crap is on sale as they can, and budge into line without a care for anyone else... Whoever came up with the idea that we should celebrate our thanks for what we have by buying shit loads of more crap that we don't need is utterly sick in the head... and probably a dirty pirate hooker...

there was a decorated general with
a heart of gold, that likened him to
all the stories he told
of past battles, won and lost,
and legends of old a seasoned veteran in
his own time
on the battlefield, he gained
respectable fame with many medals
of bravery and stripes to his name
he grew a beard as soon as he could
to cover the scars on his face
and always urged his men on
but on the eve of a great battle
with the infantry in dream
the old general tossed in his sleep
and wrestled with its meaning
he awoke from the night
to tell what he had seen
and walked slowly out of his tent
all the men held tall with their
chests in the air, with courage in
their blood and a fire in their stare
it was a gray morning and they all
wondered how they would fare
till the old general told them to go home
He said

I have seen the others
and I have discovered
that this fight is not worth fighting

and I've seen their mothers
and I will no other
to follow me where I'm going

So, take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
take a shower and shine your shoes
you got no time to lose
you are young men you must be living
go now you are forgiven

but the men stood fast with their
guns on their shoulders not knowing
what to do with the contradicting orders
the general said he would do his own
duty but he would extend it no further
the men could go as they pleased

not a man moved, their eyes gazed
straight ahead till one by one they
stepped back and not a word was said
and the old general was left with his
own words echoing in his head
he then prepared to fight

"The General" Dispatch