mind over matter

School has been murdering me slowly the last week, but I think it has decided to cut back on torture for now. OChem test was on Tuesday, which I hope with all my heart that I didn't do as badly as I think that I did. I turned in my DiffEQ test today, in which I place all my hope for earning a B in the class. I hate DiffEQ. If I knew that it would be this hard, I would have seriously reconsidered minoring in math. Maybe I'll drop it. Or maybe I'll just accept the sucky grade that I get this sem and hope it gets better in Lin Alg. Bleh.

All I have to work on (haha, that's funny, because it's actually a poop-load of work) is my Sophomore Honors Portfolio. I'm creating cut-out collages for the dividers, but I seriously wonder whether it's going to look cool enough for submission. Maybe art isn't my strong point.

And I have to revise both my Brain paper and the Mayo lab experience paper, as well as write translations for my two Spanish compositions.

Let's go on to something else besides depressing facts about school... I've been having strange thoughts lately, that perhaps where I am in life isn't where I should be. It's not like anything has changed, though. The people around me, the events that fill my day... is it just that I'm prone to being restless? Maybe it's the pressure that I put on myself with HPSO stuff... I mean, if I can't get my own friends to participate in something that I care about, then maybe I should give up. Or maybe I'm unable to communicate how much these things mean to me. Or maybe people just don't care. And, truth be told, that's probably the hardest thing to accept. When one of my close friends tells me that he hates HPSO, it's almost as if I should take it personally. Why does HPSO suck? It's the responsibility of the exec team to make sure that it doesn't, so it obviously is your fault, Jessica. (I know it's not, but I still can't get past thinking about it excessively throughout the day). And why should I care if people don't like HPSO? Because then it feels like they're discounting my accomplishments and my commitments as if I'm doing nothing.

I need to sleep and get away from people who complain. I get enough of that from myself.