for myself

Why do I have to go to events only to realize that no one really cares that I'm there? This is kind of how I felt being at the Student Government banquet. Why have I spent a good six months in an organization where I'm not even recognized for my work? Is there some kind of secret to success that I'm missing, something like partying with them on the weekends or getting accepted into their social elite? Or is there just something I'm missing in the way I am? Am I not "girl enough" for them? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? I had always thought, when I was younger, that there were no impossibilities in life. Here I am, 18 years of age, yet unhappy. Why should I be nice to everyone when I just end up getting ignored and crapped on in the end? (Figuratively, of course.) Depressing thoughts for a Saturday night.

My cousin got married today. The last one of the Gengler boys. That means that there are... 6 more of us who have still not been married on my dad's side. Cousins Tracey, Angie, Laura, Erica, my sister Steph.... and me. It's strange to think that Laura will probably be getting married before I'm done with medical school. Heck, everyone is probably going to be married by that time. Except for me. Oh well. 7 years is a long time, no matter how you put it. Plus, boys are overrated. Take for example, tonight. I go up to Fulton 3 to say hi to the guys there, and all they do is give me a glance and continue with their video games. Stupid video games. Stupid boys. Waseem actually talked to me for more than a minute, so he gets kudos for that. But then he went off to a frat to drink. So minus 1000 kudos. Back to zero.

I sit here, typing this pathetically lame blog, listening to Guster in hopes that their music can bring me out of this stupidness. I could be studying Chemistry. I could be cleaning my room. I could even be getting a head start on the newsletter for next week.

Not a chance.

Time to read a book. For fun, for once.